Baby Echo was supposed to be born in October of 96. He/she was to be my second child. I wasn't sure at first how I felt about being pregnant again. Since I have Spinal Muscular Atrophy, the process of giving birth was probably going to be quite dramatic and torturious as it was with my first daughter. I wasn't looking forward to spending a month recovering in ICU on a respirator again. I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of the little amount of energy I do have being sapped for 9 months either. Many of my friends were upset by the news, knowing there was the very real possibilty I might die this time. Also, we were between insurance policies, so the mounds of inevitable hospital bills would fall under the new insurance's pre-existing clause. But we figured God had his reasons, so we went with what we were given.
We picked out names. If it was a girl, she'd be Paisley Jane. If it was a boy, he'd be Echo (we never were able to come up with a good middle name). We told Emili that a baby brother or sister was "growing in Mommy's tummy". We decided where the baby would sleep and who would help us care for it while Lee was at work. The idea of having another family member was beginning to grow on us.
But things began to go wrong. I was miscarrying. When we went to the doctor and later got an ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. The baby had died. We were devistated. Not only were we grieved by the death of our child, but we were scared that I would have serious complications with the D&C and end up in ICU like I did after giving birth to Emili. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to go through all that suffering and not have another child to return home with. We spent much of the day prior to my surgery wailing and clinging onto one another, missing the child we had never seen, except for the ultrasound, but loved. We decided between fits of crying to call the baby Echo, since we didn't know if it was a boy or girl. We also explained to two-year old Emili that we were sad because "the baby in mommy's tummy died". She patted us on the head and said, "It'll be OK," which of course made us cry more.
Fortunately, there were not any complications with the surgery. Lee bought a small beanbag bear at the hospital gift shop, so I would have something to carry when I left the hospital that same day. It sits on top of our computer monitor and has watched me type most of this.
So you may ask why I've made this big production out of including baby Echo on our web page. Well, to put it simply, he/she is part of our family. Emili speaks freely, to anyone that asks, about "the baby that lives with God". She says that he has a little play table like her's and than he flies in the air like a star. She talks about dying one day and going to live with God and baby Echo in a big house. (I'm not sure where she gets all this stuff.) The baby is almost as concrete in her mind as a living brother or sister would be. And it is the same for all of us. We may not have gotten the chance to hold him/her in our arms, but he/she lived with us, inside of me, for two whole months. I look forward to seeing my baby one day in God's "big house" too. It'll be a cool family reunion!
Last updated February 8, 2001